Dating vs. Courtship

Basically put, dating is a situation in which guys and girls pursue undefined and directionless romances often hurting each other in the process. The relationship may be there and both people may even be Christians, but they are often selfish relationships that are uncentred on God. This in itself is not great but it can also lead to couples pushing or ignoring the boundaries of sexual experimentation. My teenage years are a very good example of this. I pursued lots of girls in order to prove my 'manliness' and would often get my heart broken or break the hearts of beautiful girls when I 'lost' interest because something better had come along. Not to mention crossing several boundaries that should definitely have remained intact until I was married.

Courtship on the other hand is 'the act of wooing'. Wooing is 'to seek to achieve or attempt to gain'. Courtship is where (traditionally) a guy pursues a girl with the intent of spending the rest of their lives together. It is widely considered an old-fashioned term but it evokes romance and chivalry. (I would say that in our culture it may even take the girl to prod the guy in order for him to realise the potential in their friendship as some guys, especailly Christan guys can be quite clueless when it comes to girls!) As Josh Harris writes in his book "Boy meets girl", courtship is 'a special season in a romance where a man and woman are seriously weighing the possibility of marriage'.

Courtship isn't necessarily better than dating. But if courtship means that you treat the other person with the dignity and respect and honour that Christ places on them then it most certainly is. The main difference is that in our consumer society, we are often out for personal gain and do not seek to protect the welfare of those around us in the process. A good sign of when a couple has been courting or dating appropriately is that if they don't end up getting married, they are able to part ways without complete and utter heartbreak or bitterness towards the other party. Of course there will be sadness because the couple will have placed a lot of value on what could have been. But at the same time they will be able to walk away from the relationship knowing that they honoured God and each other and will be able to say 'That was a really good experience'. They will have learned more about themselves, their friend and maybe even what not to do next time but the biggest thing is that they won't be burned by the whole process and given time will be open to 'courting' again.

I hope this helps ;@)